I know a bunch of you little demons have found my writings that are out there on the world wide web, all about being an ex-nun. Well, it was a joke, but it’s also my favorite Halloween costume, and Halloween is right around the corner. Last year I went to a kinky party at the dungeon and my costume was a fallen angel, but this year it’s time to pull out the old nun’s habit. It’s not a cheap costume bought at the local pop-up Halloween store – it’s an actual nun’s habit I stole a long time ago when I fucked a priest in his rectum while in the rectory of his church. He loved every inch of my strap-on and every minute of being my bitch. I made him call me God while he licked my ass too. If you’re into religious blasphemy phone sex, I’m sure you’ll want to call and hear all about it.
I will confess (to you, but not to God – he can fuck off) that I don’t just wear the nun’s habit. That costume has a few accessories I add to make it complete. No sinner like me could feel comfortable in a nun’s habit without a few extras….I call them “the five B’s.”
1. Baby bump (fake, of course).
2. Bottle of booze (I prefer vodka).
3. Blunt (fuck off – it’s legal here).
4. Beads (real rosary beads that have been used as anal beads).
5. Bible – not a plain old Bible, but a BIBLE PADDLE. Go ahead and Google it. You’ll see what I’m talking about. Mine is well-worn.
Yep. I’m not just a naughty nun for Halloween – I’m a kinky, alcoholic, Rastafarian nun who’s about 8 months pregnant. That sounds about right. Do you love it? I know you do, which is why you’ve probably already called me for religious blasphemy phone sex. I have a bit of knowledge about the Bible and the horse shit that’s in it, and I’m so not afraid to call the old fart on a cloud and his faggot son out on it.
If you’re even slightly amused, then you should pick up your Goddamned phone and dial 1 888 8 FREAKY and ask for Slutty Sister Hellena. We can rock out on some really nasty religious blasphemy phone sex – we’ll make Satan himself blush with our fantasies!!