Phone Sex by the Numbers

freaky jade 

A bunch of my friends and I got to talking about how much sex you have to have in order to consider it a good sex life. Of course there was the quality above quantity argument. But eventually we all agreed that no matter how great the fucking is at the time you’re doing the fucking… if you’re not getting it often enough you still got a shitty sex life.

So that started the ‘how much is good, how little is bad, how much is great, how little sucks’ debate. We decided to start in the middle with “good”. We all agreed that once a week is good. But then there are those weeks when the lady half of the couple would rather BBQ and eat the guys head than let him touch her. So we figured 52 weeks in the year minus the 12 weeks that happen once a month when it just ain’t happening would be the good scale. So if you have sex between 40 and 52 times a year your sex life is “good”.

The we had to figure out how to set the other categories. We decided to stay with the 12 point spread since that’s the range in our original “good” category. We started by working down from good, figuring that those are the categories where most men would end up. That gave us 3 categories below good until we got to zero. Then, in the interest of balance, we decided to stick with 3 categories above good as well.

We know full well that a LOT of men are going to claim to be in the top category. We also know that 99.5% of those men are lying. Believe me when I say it, guys… the girls KNOW when you’re lying about your sexual exploits. So before you try to claim a spot in the top category, remember that we know better!

Anyway… here’s the sex life scale. It goes by how many times you fuck in a year.

0 – 15 = in need of medical help

16 – 27 = bad

28 – 39 = needs improvement

40 – 52 = good

53 – 64 = exceeds expectations

65 – 76 = great

77 and up = porn star

(Remember that women know when men lie about sex.)

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